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“Can you still call yourself a painter if you haven’t painted in six months?”
That’s what I was starting to ask myself last week. What were my excuses? ‘Wide-ranging and plentiful’ would be my generalized answer. My internal dialogue of seemingly justifiable reasonings for putting off my greatest passion left a chalkboard-scratch of irritation with-in every time that I would repeat the check list.
Creativity can be a terrifying concept.
We wouldn’t think so off-hand, attributing the ability to be creative to the freedom of an unrestricted child’s mind. How could such innocence and abandon be ‘terrifying’?
Perhaps it is because as we grew up we realized that eventually, our creativity ‘must’ take on some form; we realized that there is a method behind the madness of the Masters. We buckled under the pressure to create with purpose, with vision. A developing heart can be easily frightened away from the vulnerability of creating and/or sharing personal artworks.
Essentially, we decided we didn’t have enough within us to be worthy of fully experiencing our own creativity.
Either buried deep down or right there gleaming on the surface we put it in our minds that we should go through life appreciating paintings, music, writings, movement, and the creative expression of others rather than communicate our own soul’s essence.
How silly is that?
So we turn towards more “practical matters”. We focus on food, catching up on the laundry, keeping up with the Joneses if we’ve forgotten that that’s a joke- anything and everything to keep our minds off of the innate pressure to create.
That’s where cannabis comes into play for me.
That’s where cannabis rescued me from a half a year’s worth of a painting stalemate.
There are several ways that I can attribute my sudden flood of courageous creative flow to using cannabis as a medicinal and therapeutic tool.
For one, I consume THC capsules and CBD oil both nightly and daily. This helps control the severe inflammation that I experience from 14 years of Rheumatoid Arthritis.
The biggest gift this practice gives someone like me is that it enables my body to both AVOID and RECOVER from exaggerated morning stiffness! This way, I am able to complete basic life tasks like we talked about above in a timely manner. This frees up my time for more spiritual matters like art! Excuse executed.
Without cannabis, I am either fairly or completely immobile until after noon, despite my habit of rising with the beatific sun.
Beatific is a word that isn’t often used, one that I have felt very distant from due to chronic pain, and one that I have very recently fallen in love with. It brings me to another point:
According to the National Center for HealthStatistics (2006), approximately 76.2 million, one in every four Americans, have suffered from pain that lasts longer than 24 hours and millions more suffer from acute pain. Chronic pain is the most common cause of long-term disability.
I am one of those who have suffered long-term disability. Structural damage to my joints and other parts of my body, plus depression and anxiety related to the constant struggle made it nearly impossible to allow myself to experience the beatific essence of life.
Cannabis helps me to reconnect to that! If you are reading this, you probably know exactly what I mean. All of the negative aspects of my daily life that I just mentioned simply dissolve with that first morning dab. The second, third, fourth, etc. are bonuses.
(Speaking of creativity, let’s give some credit to music in the healing process as well! Featured is Niykee Heaton’s NBK from her Bedroom Tour album. I guarantee it will bring out the badass in you. This has been the fuel for my fire lately!)
Topicals infused with cannabis or hemp derivatives (THC and CBD) are my go-to for the fire in my hands (inflammation) that keeps me from creating. My favorite infused topical releases my hands from a persistently crippling grip.
For that extra oomph, it’s time for a good old fashioned cannabis flower joint, bowl, bong, apple, aluminum can (no, really, don’t, that’s horrible for you), whatever!
Sister Mary Jane is the best at walking me down a path that leads to Creative Vision and the ecstatic bravery to follow through!
What we talked about in the beginning, Dear Diary, all goes away. The creative vision sharpens. Fears and distractions become irrelevant. My brain dances with words and galactic thunderstorms that beg to be barfed onto the canvas with ecstatic care.
And that’s it.
I’m feeling beatific.
I’m remembering the value of my personal expression. I’m trusting my creativity.
Do you remember your value? Are you trusting your creativity? I’m begging you to.
Perhaps this step-by-step guide to rolling a joint can help get you started.
Artist of above watercolor unknown. Please comment below if you are able to locate the name of who I can credit for this lovely work of creativity. Thank you all!